Good god, growing up really sucks sometimes. Don't get me wrong these are my dreams.. it's just, now that they are almost here, it's scaring the shit out of me.
I suck. Really. I mean, I want this. I do. Badly. But when I saw the ticket on Ryanair - which was so freaking cheap - for London in 19 days - 19 days! - and I am freaking out.
I'm all suddenly OMG OMG what if something happens in London? What if I won't see my friends there on Friday night? What if I won't know where will it be the premiere of Breaking Dawn part 2?! What if I won't find the bus to Edinburgh?
Edinburgh. Oh. My. Freaking. God. What if I won't be able to stay at that friend's house till I find an apartment? What if I won't find a nice, cheap apartment? Or room, for the matter. What if I won't find a job?!
Yes, I am freaking out. And yes, I am exaggerating. But hey, going into the unknown isn't easy. Also true, that I've always hated easy. Geeez, sometimes I would just love to give myself a break.
On the other hand.. I've been waiting for this for the past 3 months. Hell, I've been waiting for this since I applied to the University of Edinburgh. I should just book the ticket and suck it up. Yeah, that would be the best thing. But I need to wait the reply of my friend, so I will know I have a place to stay for a week in London. Ahh, well, it's a good thing I work well under pressure. :P
I will figure it out. I still have 19 days which is a lot. Figuratively speaking. Or whatever.
This question has been on my mind since I've got my degree a couple of weeks ago. I finished a chapter in my life. Waiting for something to begin. And nothing did. I felt like I was in this space in between. And this is my chance for the new chapter of my life. I am ready. As ready as I'll ever be. Freaking out a little bit, but nonetheless ready. I'm done with this being in between. I want my life to start.
So many possibilities are ahead of me and I sure as hell, won't chicken out now. I've work hard for this. Hell, I've worked two jobs this summer for this. For a possibility to start over. I should pull myself together and start organizing my life. Make some kind of closure or something.
Yes. I am ready.
